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all my ghosts are leaving atlanta

by Walte Young

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1.
lying across the couch my mind's in disarray i leave tomorrow i suppose i leave today i should be sleeping but i'm busy keeping all my ghosts at bay it's been a year or 2 since i've been on the scene been keeping healthy keeping relatively clean hours online i kill my time becoming close to a machine and all those moments i was praying that my life would just resume i thought we wanted the same thing i guess i shouldn't have presumed the circumstance of my departure never fails to get me down still i try to stay unmired in the marshland of my gloom when all my ghosts are leaving town i'm locking all my doors i'm turning off my phone these days i find that i just want to be alone my ghosts are gearing up to leave me nothing more than skin and bone
2.
my major organs always droning 2 notes at a time & my fraying nerve-strings can't help thrashing to my pantomime & our drummer's leaving for the windy city in a week & my 2-SPD breathing hinders my ability to speak but graham's red wine's got my mind misaligned i find fastidious thoughts forego a slower time my bone's are phone-calls ringing out like shouts into the void & my joints are straight but when they burn down i get paranoid & they tell my friend & me we're waxing off of pavement's sound & my 2-SPD eyes are boring holes into the velvet underground graham's red wine... let me bleed my stomach seems to plead as i act out what i am not at no specific speed... my major organs always droning 2 notes at a time & my fraying nerve-strings can't help thrashing to my pantomime & my desperation takes whatever it can get & my 2-SPD fingers tremble as they light a cigarette
3.
getting high in my backyard at 2 AM up in smoke i didn't sleep didn't wake for a time eyeing lustfully the food that aggravated my sickness i dreaded consumption entertaining to myself now and again the illusion i was better now is that such a crime? perhaps telling lies and ducking calls as i intend to avoid responsibility and have a good time lending custody of most of my facilities out to my drugs and assumptions late for work blaming my health time and again i was broke i didn't sleep this life is far from sublime spurning multitudes of learned folk who profess to me some things blow over and some things collapse i'd daily disappoint then bail and hit the joint and envy the roach as it glowed its brief existence a hideout of delusion i outgrew seclusion trying to keep my car on the road i sleep for hours and nobody knows (in my head) my inhibitions creep out through my toes (& my head)
4.
salem 01:39
i recall the pastime prior to arriving spent the several days of driving lost in the reflective siding of my car & it mirrored to my closed eyes pastoral scenes post-choral cries all uniformity aside i really couldn't see that far & i grit my teeth and brace for my departure while my insides fall apart sure i i might fit the part were i unheard but no sympathetic jury would regard me so demurely after hours deliberating nobody has yet to say a word my trial in massachusetts burning me away from inside out the stakes feel higher than they really are i know for certain still i agonize antagonize her too & now i'm skinnier and angrier but not as much as i'll be in a year driving to massachusetts burning through my days messing about in different bedrooms when the sun comes out i close the curtains i've yet to recognize the seeds of our undoing but our linear regression will beleaguer me 'cause i'm skinnier and angrier & solitude is that much more to fear
5.
6.
we were lying prone i was prone to deceit our legs touch our eyes meet how i wish i could have looked away starts again in some violet den (who could've said when)
7.
untitled 03:42
i'm driving down the highway to the airport & i didn't sleep a minute all last night so i'm feeling lost for words & i know i must look absurd but once i get there i know it'll be alright i'm driving down the highway to the airport our longevity's suspiciously surreal 'cause between the hours of fighting giving way into delight i don't think this is quite the way we're supposed to feel still there's something that inherently appeals and i'm falling half asleep behind the wheel i'm driving down the highway to the airport & im weaving in & out of every lane i just checked the time your flight arrives i'm late but that's alright surmising how i will no longer cause you pain & my prose is insufficient to explain though in time not even it will still remain & i wish that i could jettison my brain & go on living sans the thoughts i left behind it hurts recalling how i'd be you say define my motivation (i'm trying) liberation (i'm dying) i'm driving down the highway to the airport & there's nothing that could get me down today but my short-sighted affection offers me little protection when i already am driving you away & i wonder if your plane got in ok & i wonder if it always ends this way
8.
9.
i set up the drums & echoing array i wake up all here tomorrow gone today i trip up when we just sit & drink & smoke using the time that we might play he throws down the beer can full of cigarettes she jots down the tentative times of our sets i go down trying to aim to please she pulls my hair we're singing soft duets i write ugly words for ugly songs in a parlance that no one knows i distinguish his rights & wrongs: too unfriendly but knows good shows wears cool clothes takes bad coke up his nose we go out or drink at home if we prefer we smoke out on my back porch the air's a blur i move out we exchange no goodbyes the show we said we'd play does not occur
10.
wish i could go back to the days when transgression was missing your call we fight again don't know what for hear me curse and punch holes in the wall it lasted this long what's another day of tears & dirty looks destroying the world i tell myself all couples act this way but do they? i don't know & i'm not innocent & haven't been for years i know and this i'll attest but do i really believe a thing so big & dark & brutal'd be what really knows me best the doctor said my meds don't work i get angry in sickness & health i spend my nights on my back porch it feels better when i'm by myself it lasted this long what's another day of pills i always took destroying the world i tell myself tomorrow's a new day but is it? i don't know & i'm not innocent.... it lasted this long what's another day of illness how i shook destroying the world i tell myself i'm not really this way but am i? i don't know & i'm not innocent & haven't been for years i know and this i'll attest but do i really believe that i was wasting my time (and i was wasting my time) and i was wasted for hours
11.
i'm afraid i can't be saved is my future not engraved in the many mishaps i've already made? & my tolerance is rising like the sun but none the wiser all the people that i love will walk away & i don't know if i wanted them to stay but as it turns out wasn't wise to adopt a spurious guise i'd imagine that you're not at all surprised but i'd say that it was worth the friendships forgone duties shirked to see the momentary light inside your eyes though i don't know if you bought into my lies & the thought gives me a fright i stay awake 'til late at night & i imagine what might've been so i sit & bite my nails try my hardest not to bail my mom told me not to be afraid to fail but sometimes i get to thinking after smoking after drinking that just maybe it is all to no avail

about

recorded 2016 (jan-sept) in megan & pedro's basement in plymouth, ma & chez versailles in red hook, ny

i wrote this song cycle to chronicle a time of pronouncedly poor physical & emotional health in my life. sometimes things were really good; mostly they weren't. sometimes i was really good; mostly i wasn't. seems worth remembering though.

special thanks to oliver neff, a true brother in this & any following life, & my wonderful parents (lauren, jeffrey, louis, edward)

love & gratitude forever to evan, eliot, violet, conor, jade, mirina, graham, lloyd, jacob, chelsea, greta, kaiti, kevin, ryan & rachel, holly, amelia, no friends, recluse spider, rex, jon, megan & pedro, matt sargent, kim orleck & atlanta gastro, & nora.

in loving memory of kathryn corrigan

credits

released October 31, 2016

kevin hickey consulted on some mixing & programmed the drum machine for nailbiter

evan kiely did the front cover

oliver neff played drumkit & additional percussion, & co-engineered recording drums

walte-young wrote, recorded & mixed the lot, & played guitar (acoustic & electric), ostrich guitar, bass guitar, organ, synthesizer, shakers/maracas, trumpet, field recordings, tape machine, radio, computer, voice & words.


mastered by heba kadry

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about

Walte Young Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

born in georgia. enjoys badminton on wednesdays and bread alone

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